It's a fact that i'm not "pretty",
It's a fact that i'm "fat",
It's a fact that i'm "plain" and unentertaining,
It's a fact that i'm not "smart" nor an intellect.

I don't have big eyes, with long pretty lashes,
Nor do i have slim legs, nor s-line and v-shape.

Nor am i funny, cool and quirky,
Nor am i an elite student with just As and not a single B.

It's also a fact that i don't have the best heart.
"Inner beauty", what's that?

I'm far from being selfless,
And i often struggle to emphatize,
Basically "nice" or "kind" just don't really describe me in this life.

It's a fact that i don't meet the ideal expectations of our society,
It's a fact that i don't reach the holy standards of how God wants humans to be,
It's a fact that i don't have any concrete principle nor am i standing strong independently.

It's not "all in my mind".
It's not "just how i feel".
These are facts that i myself acknowledged,
Which often everyone knows but deny when i myself say it.
Out of politeness, out of courtesy.

Honestly, it's unnecessary.
I know what i have not and what i have.
I know what i am not and what i am.
And all that i have, all that i am, is really nothing much.

All that i have is my love for deep conversations.
A safe space to talk about life, universe, time, space and religion.

All that i have is my love for throwback movies.
Stupid, sappy, romantic comedies.
Marvel movies and harry potter's series.

All that i have is my long list of flaws,
My impatience, my low self-esteem, my phobias, my insecurities, my anxiety.

All that i have is my love for my loved ones.
To prioritize them always. To cherish them always. To show my appreciation and express my affections always.

All that i have is my history of mistakes. And the lessons i learnt from them. And the continuing efforts to be better. And the aspiration to not repeat them.


One might say i am being very negative.
Another might say these are words filled with self-hatred feelings.
To me, these are just facts,
The bitter truth that i no longer want to pretend that it is non-existent.

All that i have is all that i am.
That is all there is to me.