and now everything has changed. well, technically nothing has changed. its just me now all grown up enough to know that reality is different. to know that life is not that easy. to know that that so-called 'freedom' is not for just anyone. things have limits and nothing is for free. if you want it, you have to earn it. there're so many rules and so many qualifications to fulfill. so many expectations, so many opinions and advice given making everything more complicated. in achieving happiness and/or success, there're so many ways to use but so many temptations coming through. everything suddenly seems so grey when it's supposed to be black and white. that line drawn suddenly seems ruffled and things suddenly seems misplaced. good things that I learnt are suddenly wrong and bad things I knew are suddenly right in reality. everything seems so contradicted. so fake. 

whenever that dilemma comes around, that's exactly when I'll wish to be forever young. young as a child. it sounds childish and immature but really, I wish for nothing more. growing up seems ridiculous at times when perhaps we could stay young. why bother going through heartbreaks and scars when you could play outside at the playground with friends you just made five minutes ago? why bother crying over getting back stabbed by your friend when you can cry over spilled Ribena all over your shirt? why bother getting stressed out from studying when you can get frustrated over misplaced toys? oh how I wish I could turn back time around and stay forever six. but that's why its just a wish. just another impossible wish wished. and in the end, I'll grow up. despite all the wishes i made.