these days, i find myself wondering about my future more than i plan for my future. it sounds rather immature but i really can't help it. that curiosity of what will happen is just too much to handle. as a result, i end up losing myself in an unrealistic daydream day by day and thus made me feel pathetic about myself. but maybe, perhaps maybe, that's my way of planning my future. it may sounds ridiculous to others but hey, if an artist is a realistic person than there will be no such things like arts in the first place. some things requires imagination. requires unrealistic dreams, requires something that is not a norm, not a normal thing to do. and perhaps my path, my kind of success, is like that. build by unlimited imagination and daydreams. 

ways to achieve that imagination? that daydream of mine? well that's the time where being rational comes. i will let my imagination and daydreams to lead me being rational and realistic in achieving my life goals. i don't know about others, but if i do vice versa, i feel like my rational and realistic side will not just limit my imagination but will also limit my capabilities and give me negative thoughts like "i can't do this because of that" and/or "i can't do that because of this". it felt suffocating just to even picture it in my mind. it felt so rigid and so restricted. therefore i feel like having my imagination and daydreams lead my rationality and realistic side will give me so much more. more ways, more positive vibes, more hope. it felt like it will let me to see things from a new angle. think things that are out of this world. it make me feel like i can make the impossible possible. 

these days, i find myself dreaming of doing so many things. i guess that's how it is when you're a teenager who just graduated from high school. so many things seems amazing and wonderful to do resulting me having a bundle of content in my to-be and to-do list. i imagine myself having a variety of career and doing so many wonderful things at the same time and each of it seems just right. that's why it is more confusing. i want to open my own shariah-compliant hotel and in the same time i want to be a celebrity chef who fight for peace and justice. i also want to be a photographer who spreads kindness through capturing moments and in the same time i want to be a famous fashion line founder who emphasize the importance of covering aurah. so many more things that sometimes i wonder if there's a way to combine all that and try to be and do one at a time. hope i will find that way someday. 

i remember when i was a kid, everything used to be all about imagination and making dreams come true. maybe for my case, its because my childhood is all Disney and stuffs, but nevertheless what's important here is the message they're trying to convey. believing in destiny, following what your heart says and most frequently quoted is making your dreams come true. yes i know happy endings are unrealistic and immature but really i believe its just how we see it. ups and downs are the nature of life and that's how it is. but that doesn't mean it should bring us down or limit our vision. dream as big as you want. now that I'm all grown up, it felt rather confusing when life and people around you sometimes force you to be realistic and rational and just be normal like how it should be. go to college, find a job, get married, have kids etcetra etcetra. if that's what you want then it's okay. but if that's what you don't want then it should be okay too. as long as what you want to do, why you want to do it and how you want to do things doesn't go against shariah. 

in fact, why is daydreaming even considered by most people as childish and unrealistic anyway. i know I'm all grown up now but is that really a good enough reason to not be imaginative and dreamy anymore? then why do we encourage kids to have unlimited imagination? why do we encourage kids to have big dreams? isn't that's what it is all about? to build our character and path so when we're grown up we'll have choices and options and decide ourselves to create and colour our own life? why only when we were kids. why not infinity. till the world ends or till us die. so no matter how big or small my dream is, i'll just let my imagination, run through.